The modern world has taught us how to look for optimization instead of experiences. From the moment you wake up and turn on your phone, the advertisements and notifications look to tell you how to solve problems or fill gaps. Life becomes a game. Work, hobbies, and relationships become adjustable. The real passionate people are not the people solving the perfect lifestyle puzzle but are people who solve the puzzle of life and look beyond. The most happy and most successful people are the people who stopped looking for a solution to their problems. This change moves people from anxiety to happiness. Life becomes an obstacle when people see it that way, but when people see opportunities to experience life, the anxiety and worry go away. So, the next time you wake up and go to your phone, try to see the day as an experience not an obstacle.
Constant self-improvement can sometimes lead us down a dangerous path. In pursuit of goals like the ideal job, perfcet weight, or perfect partner, we get trapped in what psychologists refer to as the “arrival fallacy”. Basically, achieving a goal, that we think will make us happy, only makes us miserable. Creating this type of goal makes us see the present as a problem to be overcome rather than an opportunity to be embraced. It keeps us in pursuit of of an ever-elusive perfect state of being. Rather than be paralyzed by the “fix-it” mentality, practicing “radical acceptance” allows us to draw a line to the quest and appreciate what we have. The difference between the two stems from the notion of being broken or incomplete. Until we win the next achievement, we are flawed. This flawed mentality makes us chase goals harder, replacing acceptance with the cortisol-driven stress answer and “fixing” goals. Reducing that drivethe ideal perfect weight, or partner, of cortisol and the “fix-it” mentality is a better answer. Completing goals, like finding the specific passion, up, to relieve pressure, to achieve goals, maintains a goal. By just getting things to a certain level we create an acceptance line. This unique plan helps with the “radical acceptance” mentality. Rather than giving up or taking a passive approach, we learn that this goal is just a step.
From Doing to Being
A problem-oriented mindset triggers the constant ‘doing’ mode. Do. Calculate. Network. Refine. While these are useful competencies in the workplace, in life, they are soul-crushing. This is particularly true for high-functioning people who achieve workplace success through problem-solving. That same mental rigorousness applied to a Sunday afternoon or an evening off leaves a void. A shift to ‘being’ is an intentional way to experience life for life’s sake, not utility. This doesn’t mean life is effort-free; rather, the effort is for presence, and the in the question shifts from ‘How does this forward my life plan?’ to ‘What is the quality of this moment?’ It is this inner dialogue that lets one find joy from the small things in life, not just the large milestones.
Life Satisfaction Mindset Comparisons
To examine the significance of these two life approaches, we can analyze the core differences that affect everyday life. The table below illustrates the fundamental differences for shifting from a life of problems to one of presence.
The Myth of the Single Passion
For many years, the best guidance for obtaining happiness was finding your passion. However, this approach, while helpful, has unintentionally generated another problem. If you haven’t found that elusive thing that ignites a fire in your soul, you are led to believe that you are a failure. The search for a passion becomes just another item to check off on your to-do list. The happiest people understand that passion does not exist somewhere waiting to be discovered, instead, passion is formed through developing interests. When people stop searching for a “why,” and start engaging with the “what,” they can cultivate happiness. Once you stop searching for that one thing that will help you live your ideal life, you see that you never had a broken life to fix in the first place.
The emphasis on only one kind of persistent interest is understanding the multitude of small joys that might be missed.
Life is Beautifully Incomplete
The outlook is liberating when one is able to see life as a project that is never completed. There is no completely refined outcome to constantly improve; there is no outcome to improve. Life presents the user with the challenge of a never ending cycle of change and discomfort. Life becomes easier and we truly live when we devise a become a solution to the unpredictability instead of a manager to the chaos. We are not guaranteed a perfect ending, but we will be able to live through and experience a whole multitude of outcomes without failures that appear to exist. It is the challenges that will make a life appear to be deficient. Retiring your role of the constant problem-solver is the final thing needed to let your anxieties and worries finally bring a sense of inner quiet that will be there.
FAQs
Q1 Does stopping the problem-solving mindset mean I should stop setting goals?
The answer is no; goals give you a sense of purpose. What is needed is change your perception of life to one of completion instead of giving a false sense of deficiency.
Q2 How can I tell if I am treating my life as a problem?
If you have the feeling of being time-restricted to the point where you believe you have to be either a productive machine or an unhappy person, you are most likely stuck in the problem-solving trap.
Q3 Is radical acceptance the same as being lazy?
Quite the opposite. Radical acceptance does require a great deal of mental effort to look at reality as it is, then it is easier to have an effectively, rationally a calm response and take action to do something, rather than panicking or reacting out of a feeling of irritation.
